Thursday, November 22, 2007

Freaky Daytime Television

Ah! Time off of work.
One benefit about being on a day off, (with the exception of sleeping in) is doing whatever you want to. Of course, there are endless options on your day off, unless you live in Egypt and you happen to be female.....but I digress. If you are an alcoholic, this means a day of binge drinking and self-loathing. If you are athletic, you can opt for working out while the sun is out. Perhaps it's a real (not fiction) sick day. Congratulations, you've managed to call in sick relatively near the time you were supposed to get to work. In between passing out because of getting trashed on NyQuil or Robitussen, you may be dopey enough to flip on the boob tube. Those without cable will soon realize that this is a very bad idea. Daytime TV should preferably be avoided at all costs. It's redundant to say that there are soap operas but a myriad of talk shows that are ever multiplying and dying off at an alarming rate. When I was younger and my entertainment choices were not as mature, I watched Days of Our Lives. I watched for about a year in Junior High. Apparently, nothing has changed in the show. There seems to be the same cast, same plot lines but they are cadaverous and fully Botoxed. A show called "Passions" featured, to my horror, a doll that came to life and served as a toady to some overacting "witch" who was trying to poison her niece. One scene involved a tea party, with doll in tow. The niece and her unassuming boyfriend were drinking tea and talking with the ....older woman. There was a lot of stress with the older woman. She'd carry the doll out, he'd come to life, she'd yell at him, etc etc. The doll's occupation was to poison a petit four and the niece would eat it at tea. That was the plan was thwarted as, who would really eat a petit four anyway, whatever they are.... The word "petit four" was screamed and screeched about fifteen time in succession. The doll that came to life was actor and little person Josh Evans, pictured above.
hearing the word petit four screaming by a little person was just more than I could handle, frankly. In desperation, I changed the channel to what ended up being Jerry Springer to witness the "I'm schtupping a stripper" episode and the audience members (who were not strippers, should never BE strippers, and are in the big group of people who should just go ahead and keep their clothes ON) were flashing Jerry for beads, a la Mardi Gras. I landed on a local car dealership commercial that was poorly produced and filmed in low-definition video.
Such deep regret.
I'm still trying to recover from it. After the years of intense counselling, I'm optomistic that I'll be ok.
In the meantime, I think I'll take up reading literature again.


jake said...

Good times. Didn't he die? That's why they cancelled the show?

Anonymous said...

i feel the same. luckily we don't have tv period now (well for years actually) so I don't fall into it that way. but sometimes...there will be a video on someone's myspace or such that has the same traumatic effect. And because I will need therapy from seeing this on a friend's page yesterday, I will now infect you. I'm sorry.but this is your post. and it fits.and I can't help it. so. do watch:
and then, please, try to put it out of your mind.
all the best,

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