Monday, June 22, 2009

This blog still exists?!

I'm on W's comp. As per usual, he's talking someone off a ledge somewhere in another room. He is. The person is not. His place on the first floor. There are no ledges. The worse that could happen is that a terra cotta pot would fall off a sill and he may prick himself trying to clean up the mess. The worst that could happen.

Or the fact that I'm being left to my own devices while he talks someone else off a ledge and boredom drives me to one.

But you know.

Insert cute puppies leaping here.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Help me out, guys

I need the things you don't want people knowing you've done, or are thinking.

Things My Mother Shouldn't Read

Our first entry went up today and it's about Casual Encounters!


Saturday, May 2, 2009

Friday, April 24, 2009

Speaking of Crazy

In light of recent events giving online hookups a bad name, I've been thinking.
Is it unethical to harness the crazy the internet has to offer by purposely seeking out the psychos? I'm not talking scary psychos, though for a girl looking for a guy, the line is much finer than a m4w, I'd say. So this is more conjecture and less an actual plan on my part. I just can't help thinking it's a shame the power of these crazies won't be able to make me laugh as much as i deserve.

I recently signed up for OkCupid, though immediately realized I have no place there, and don't want to meet anyone. I have plenty of good friends and am not looking for a boyfriend. I don't even like people I don't already know, so I pretty much ignore it. But i do check in every once in a while for curiosity's sake. A few days ago i received a note from someone calling himself Pete1. Here goes (prepare gag reflex):

As I Pluck you down from your tree out of my reach 12
I would savor your flavor just like a ripe peach. 12
Want to walk hand in hand with you across the beach. 12
So many lessons in love I'd like you to teach. 12

You say that you were working so hard at your school, 12
As I wipe off my chin overflowing with drool, 12
Your pictures responsible; this nat'(u)ral event, 12
Know all of this is true; that what I said I meant. 12

What I said was genuine, I wipe off the glob 12
Because it is my heart that you've have managed to rob. 12
Remain convinced that you're act-u-lee a burglar, 12
Still really want to take you out for a burger. 12

I know there is more to you than read-uh-lee seen, 12
As my waking thoughts are plagued with you in my dreams12
It is for only you that this here song is sung, 12
I really want to massage; your lips with my tounge. 12

Out of my mouth; with all of the things that I had said, 12
This insane balding man; who is out of his head. 12
Hope I kept your int-rest with this here little poem, 12
And within your eyes fine-a-lee find a new home. 12

Uh. User blocked, obv. But I just went back to the email message because I couldn't help wanting to get to the end of the poem. In order to do that I had to go onto his profile and unblock him. Minutes (seconds?) later I get a new email message. Oh boy:

It's good to know that you are a human furnace, 12
Really think that you are hot enough to burn us, 12
So I hem and haw just left with only here: this, 12
As I stand here just begging for your touch and your kiss, 12

I ask you like princess Leah from the star wars, 12

"Help me here my dear, 6
You are my only hope" 6
As I tighten my noose, 6
And unfurl my own rope. 6
I hope to hear from you...6
Before I hang this dope. 6

Not speaking of me here, but of your ex-boyfriend. 12

I've got that sucker tied up in my basement here, 12
This poor guy is filled with nothing but dread and fear. 12
Keeping him captive 'till I hear from you again. 12
Because you know I want to be more than just friends. 12

I am literally just reading this for the first time.
I think I just changed my mind. In conclusion, maybe avoid psychos at all costs.
Unless you are a male looking for a female. If that applies to you, I still expect some good stories.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Happy Monday

This is the type of thing my boyfriend sends me when he's bored:


Monday, April 6, 2009

Screw you all

For not showing me this video earlier.
How very dare you.

  • 0:06 - reckless abandon
  • 0:14 - funky arms
  • 0:33 - shivers
  • 0:57 - don't tell me you don't do the same thing
  • 1:03 - reckless abandon taken to a new level
  • 1:06 - badass
  • 1:15 - cruelty
  • cute pajama top

Saturday, March 28, 2009

why is it okay when someone your own age

baby's you, but it's not okay when your parents do it?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Friday, February 13, 2009

april 20th is the day when

it all goes down.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

sex with whores

OMG! so fucking awesome. seriously. last night. wow. i mean... wow.

Monday, January 12, 2009

It's all very fascinating really.

I was in a tutoring session a few minutes ago. The student in question and I were working very hard on a paper about the person in his or her life that inspired him or her the most. The source of inspiration was an uncle, born out of poverty in one of those countries you assume growing out of poverty is the norm who came to this country to make something of himself. A millionaire. That's what he made of himself. In and of itself, I was inspired because I was born a generation out of a generation born of poverty and all I got to be was an educator helping students write papers about people who truly inspire them.
Then, the bell rang for lunch and he was gone. Barely a goodbye. Nary a thank you as he grabbed the remainder of his paperwork. Should I have expected anything in return. No, perhaps not. I, after all, am not the sort of person that inspires greatness. Millionaire uncles are.
I guess I can go take a lunch break myself as no one else has come in to my office hours. I think I'll go drive around the neighborhood and smoke a cigarette while I contemplate why I should encourage kids to stay in school when I'm frantically trying to get out.

Something important could be going on here. I just don't know.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

People Are Stupid

"A British couple is said to have come to regret naming their son Drew Peacock upon belatedly realizing that running the name together can produce an unsavory interpretation."

Gee, ya think?


Tuesday, January 6, 2009

he also pulls my hair and it hurts.

this morning my sort-of-boyfriend shoved a bunched up ball of dirty underwear in my face when i was trying to sleep and asked me if it was dirty or not.

should i break up w/him?

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