From the Archives of the Smithsonian

Dear Martha,

This sucks. The weather is ridiculous. The Delaware is way too wide. I hate it. We’ll never make it across. I don’t even know why I signed up for this crap. The snows are not letting up at all. Some of the men have worn through their boots, and the frostbite has already begun to take its awful toll. Our supplies are running low. We’ve finished the entire hundred cases of Sam Adams we had brought from Philadelphia. Then the hundred cases of Red Stripe. We drank the Rolling Rock in two nights. I don’t even know whose idea it was to buy that. We only have one case of Budweiser remaining. I am praying to God, to give us the strength, to find some store where we can get a case of Amstel Light.

Yesterday, one of our supply wagons fell into a gorge. Can you believe that? A fucking gorge. It had four cases of Smirnoff Ice. Lost! We still have the three cases of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Which is okay. But then the worst, one of our canons sank right into the mud. What a tragedy. I had stashed two bottles of Negro Modelo down the barrel. I was really looking forward to those.

Some of the men don’t even have rifles. It’s terrible. I sold them to get a case of Harpoon IPA. I have written the Congress to tell them of our grave situation. We desperately need reinforcements. And they need to bring at least six cases of Pilsner Urquell.

I gave the Bacardi Silver to some local Indian chiefs. Hopefully they won’t try any before we’re long gone. That stuff is awful.

Which got me to thinking. I really do miss you, Martha. Those long walks in the back yard, sitting on the veranda, sipping Goldschläger. Can you believe they forgot to bring the Ace Pear Cider? I mean of all the stupid things to forget? God dammit. I am missing you Martha. Your tender touch. Kissing you in the balmy night, the taste of Absolute Cherry still on your lips. God I hate Bacardi Silver.

I will write again as soon as I can move.

Your Loving Husband,

George

Young People Support Status Quo in Online Dating

I was recently alerted to a CNN article by Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz, wherein they wrote things like:

“not responding is an acceptable move in online dating”

And

“You should not, under any circumstances, continue to message someone who's stopped responding to you. Persistence doesn't pay off in the game of online shopping for strangers. It just makes you seem like a creeper, reinforcing said person's unexplained decision to cut you off.

Like it or not, ghosting on someone you're messaging with is completely acceptable in the digital realm. (And let's face it, an out-of-left-field ‘You're just not quite what I'm looking for’ missive would be sorta weird.)”

Basically, it appears as though the authors are embracing the shallow and insensitive behavior that occurs in online dating rather than trying to remedy it. The idea that if you get rejected the thing to do is immediately try another person seems to preclude self-reflection or introspection. Why did I get rejected? What can I learn from this? Obviously sometimes there is no explanation and dwelling on something meaningless probably won’t help matters. But in general, racing ahead to the next rejection is probably not the best next move.

That it’s okay to just ignore or walk away from an online conversation without giving a reason and that it’s not okay for the recipient of this discourteous behavior to expect one seems wrong headed. Of course, sometimes it is best to just walk away from any rejection or even vanishing act. But this doesn’t excuse the perpetrator of the insensitive act. Perhaps it would be “weird” to tell someone why you’re moving on, but it would also be the right thing to do. In my experience, I end up having to write a lot of these notes to people, explaining why I cannot continue messaging. Usually the response one of relief and acceptance. By taking this extra effort to write these “weird” “missives” I do not dishonor myself. In addition, the other person has some kind of closure, one hopes.

Treating others well is nothing to be ashamed of. There is no such thing as being a good person “IRL” and a bad person online. The authors state that a massive “overhaul” of the rules is unfeasible. Of course they are right. There can be no top-down overhaul of anything on the internet. It must happen organically over time. Who knows what the online dating rules will be in ten or twenty years? But they may look very different than what they are today. As society becomes more and more accustomed to online dating, rules may slowly come into being which account for some of the above concerns, mainly that one cannot have two personalities for real life and online without consequence to one’s own psyche. Check your superego at the door? I don’t think so. I suspect the willingness to embrace rather than apprehend and deal with the destructive or harmful elements of online dating stems from a larger notion that the virtual world can somehow offer an escape from the basic rules of cause and effect. There are some things we as a society have not quite grasped about the internet. Hopefully in time we will.

Knock, knock.

...

This blog still exists?!

I'm on W's comp. As per usual, he's talking someone off a ledge somewhere in another room. He is. The person is not. His place on the first floor. There are no ledges. The worse that could happen is that a terra cotta pot would fall off a sill and he may prick himself trying to clean up the mess. The worst that could happen.

Or the fact that I'm being left to my own devices while he talks someone else off a ledge and boredom drives me to one.

But you know.

Insert cute puppies leaping here.

Help me out, guys

I need the things you don't want people knowing you've done, or are thinking.

Things My Mother Shouldn't Read

Our first entry went up today and it's about Casual Encounters!

Sexy.

Dear BBC America,

Fuck You.

Speaking of Crazy

In light of recent events giving online hookups a bad name, I've been thinking.
Is it unethical to harness the crazy the internet has to offer by purposely seeking out the psychos? I'm not talking scary psychos, though for a girl looking for a guy, the line is much finer than a m4w, I'd say. So this is more conjecture and less an actual plan on my part. I just can't help thinking it's a shame the power of these crazies won't be able to make me laugh as much as i deserve.

I recently signed up for OkCupid, though immediately realized I have no place there, and don't want to meet anyone. I have plenty of good friends and am not looking for a boyfriend. I don't even like people I don't already know, so I pretty much ignore it. But i do check in every once in a while for curiosity's sake. A few days ago i received a note from someone calling himself Pete1. Here goes (prepare gag reflex):


As I Pluck you down from your tree out of my reach 12
I would savor your flavor just like a ripe peach. 12
Want to walk hand in hand with you across the beach. 12
So many lessons in love I'd like you to teach. 12

You say that you were working so hard at your school, 12
As I wipe off my chin overflowing with drool, 12
Your pictures responsible; this nat'(u)ral event, 12
Know all of this is true; that what I said I meant. 12

What I said was genuine, I wipe off the glob 12
Because it is my heart that you've have managed to rob. 12
Remain convinced that you're act-u-lee a burglar, 12
Still really want to take you out for a burger. 12

I know there is more to you than read-uh-lee seen, 12
As my waking thoughts are plagued with you in my dreams12
It is for only you that this here song is sung, 12
I really want to massage; your lips with my tounge. 12

Out of my mouth; with all of the things that I had said, 12
This insane balding man; who is out of his head. 12
Hope I kept your int-rest with this here little poem, 12
And within your eyes fine-a-lee find a new home. 12



Uh. User blocked, obv. But I just went back to the email message because I couldn't help wanting to get to the end of the poem. In order to do that I had to go onto his profile and unblock him. Minutes (seconds?) later I get a new email message. Oh boy:



It's good to know that you are a human furnace, 12
Really think that you are hot enough to burn us, 12
So I hem and haw just left with only here: this, 12
As I stand here just begging for your touch and your kiss, 12

I ask you like princess Leah from the star wars, 12

"Help me here my dear, 6
You are my only hope" 6
As I tighten my noose, 6
And unfurl my own rope. 6
I hope to hear from you...6
Before I hang this dope. 6

Not speaking of me here, but of your ex-boyfriend. 12

I've got that sucker tied up in my basement here, 12
This poor guy is filled with nothing but dread and fear. 12
Keeping him captive 'till I hear from you again. 12
Because you know I want to be more than just friends. 12


I am literally just reading this for the first time.
I think I just changed my mind. In conclusion, maybe avoid psychos at all costs.
Unless you are a male looking for a female. If that applies to you, I still expect some good stories.

Crazy ass bitch stabs lead singer of Ladytron for not signing autograph in timely enough fashion

details unnecessary.

Happy Monday

This is the type of thing my boyfriend sends me when he's bored:



Cheers.

Screw you all

For not showing me this video earlier.
How very dare you.

Best part of this video

• 0:06 - reckless abandon
• 0:14 - funky arms
• 0:33 - shivers
• 0:57 - don't tell me you don't do the same thing
• 1:03 - reckless abandon taken to a new level
• 1:06 - badass
• 1:15 - cruelty
• cute pajama top

Created on Apr 6, 2009

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why is it okay when someone your own age

baby's you, but it's not okay when your parents do it?

The Medium Must Be Colonized.

april 20th is the day when

it all goes down.

sex with whores

OMG! so fucking awesome. seriously. last night. wow. i mean... wow.

It's all very fascinating really.

I was in a tutoring session a few minutes ago. The student in question and I were working very hard on a paper about the person in his or her life that inspired him or her the most. The source of inspiration was an uncle, born out of poverty in one of those countries you assume growing out of poverty is the norm who came to this country to make something of himself. A millionaire. That's what he made of himself. In and of itself, I was inspired because I was born a generation out of a generation born of poverty and all I got to be was an educator helping students write papers about people who truly inspire them.
Then, the bell rang for lunch and he was gone. Barely a goodbye. Nary a thank you as he grabbed the remainder of his paperwork. Should I have expected anything in return. No, perhaps not. I, after all, am not the sort of person that inspires greatness. Millionaire uncles are.
I guess I can go take a lunch break myself as no one else has come in to my office hours. I think I'll go drive around the neighborhood and smoke a cigarette while I contemplate why I should encourage kids to stay in school when I'm frantically trying to get out.



Something important could be going on here. I just don't know.

People Are Stupid

"A British couple is said to have come to regret naming their son Drew Peacock upon belatedly realizing that running the name together can produce an unsavory interpretation."

Gee, ya think?

Source

he also pulls my hair and it hurts.

this morning my sort-of-boyfriend shoved a bunched up ball of dirty underwear in my face when i was trying to sleep and asked me if it was dirty or not.

should i break up w/him?

Mountain Madness

The best-known example of that is the Fore people of Papua New Guinea, who from the 19th century to the late 1950's held ''mortuary feasts'' on deceased relatives.

From the 1920's to the 60's, an epidemic of kuru, a prion disease, killed more than 200 Fore a year, especially women, who ate brains while men ate muscle. A study of 30 elderly Fore women who survived the era showed that 23 had the prion-protection gene, which was far less common among Fore born later, suggesting that it had protected them

image stolen from another blog, but relevant, i think

the stereos are going to pump me

and all the rappers in the top 10? please allow me to bump thee.